I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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