Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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