so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
