My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
