Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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