Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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