btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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