If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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