Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
