i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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