P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
