Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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