Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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