nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
