I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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