apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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