is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
