I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
