did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
