my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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