Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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