Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was confusing and full of hummus
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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