Cold hands, warm shart.
youre lurking in front of me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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