Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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