As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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