I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
