Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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