This is not my ceiling
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
