Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
