You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
