Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
