Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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