11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
