Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
