That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
