Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
