You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
