I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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