I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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