I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
