Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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