the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
