So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
