There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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