A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
