Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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