oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
