I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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