john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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