life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it hurts more in the daytime
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
